Steadfast

This morning I was deep in despair and hopelessness. All around me I sensed barriers and traps preventing any progress and almost denying hope. It seemed that most ways forward were blocked, and fear was preventing me moving in any directions that remained.

This state of affairs has been going on for some time - probably months, and after todays event I am wondering if it has been unnecessarily sustained by a sense of isolation - perhaps common in pioneers - and destructive in the way it undermines. This morning the isolation lost, leading to action which has given fresh hope.

Concerned about how I would complete the study and assignment attached to this piece of pioneering I had the (rare) sense to speak with my tutor. 'How do I pioneer (to a timetable) in the midst of the barriers?', I asked. In the midst of his good counsel was the advice to keep walking with the older women I am working in partnership with. The word 'with' stuck out for me, and I went out this afternoon to find the women in their meeting at the local estate church.

What a blessing!

They were just settling down for a 'member's afternoon' and the 'elder stateswoman' opened in a prayer which amongst others included the isolated and lonely people of our community. The fervent desire to see these people know God's love appears to be shared by most of the group. I realise that what I have been seeing as MY agenda I am trying to get them to buy into is actually THEIR agenda that I can join. (Not surprising as it is God's mission!)

We continued with several items - songs, prayers, readings that focused on their own individual relationships with God... and I found myself feeling we were retreating into a safe space, until I suggested as my item 'Go tell it on the mountain'. There was a release of energy experienced as we sung this suggestive of an unrealised desire in many of those gathered to tell of their experience of Jesus.

Mention of a video testimony by my learning disabled daughter led to much laughter and some quiet reflection as members considered whether they could record such a film, (she has asked when others will do so). One woman gave testimony then and there, and another engaged with the possibility of making a video. Again I sensed the unrealised possibilities for engagement in God's mission.

Following on from the earlier prayer (central to which was the concept that knowing God was with them would be adequate company and contact for the lonely) I allowed a question about how local people who are lonely might come to know the love of God hanging in the air. It didn't seem appropriate to seek answers, instead the way may have been opened up for some one-to-one conversations. Talk moved on to the possibility of making marmalade after a comment about seville oranges being in season..... this may be an activity for next week.

Finally, tea was made (porcelain cups and saucers with metallic trim) and I was asked a question about a planned youth residential I am involved in leading. It was a pleasure to tell them of the 8 local young people who are going, and it transpired one of the women wanted to ask the others to support the event with a donation. Hearts of gold!